I guess i'll start with some background information. Names have been changed.
I am megan, i was just girl when i met rachel and i was 18 when we started to date. things were perfect at first, no fights, only love. She claimed to love me. We talked about spending our lives together after high school. She was pretty, smart, funny and she knew how to make me laugh.
I became depressed about half way through our relationship. I knew rachel wanted kids, and i knew being a girl i could never give them to her. I guess the subject was a sore one seeing as i always felt like if we had kids, which i wanted to, i was afraid that they would love her more because she would be their ... and i would well just be another girl in their lives.
See my whole life since the time i was about small girl i have wanted to be a boy. I told rachel this about one year into our relationship. I trusted her with my deepest secret. But in the end i think that is what ruined it. I'm not sure she ever looked at me the same after that. In fact some times when we would be intimate i felt like she didn't want to touch me.. Sometimes it felt like i would try to please her sexually for nothing in return. I guess i never felt like i satisfied her sexually. In my heart i knew i was never good enough... i knew one day she would leave. she promised me she wouldn't over and over again...she claimed to love me and want me forever...
then the day came... she left me for a boy... somebody who could give her everything... somebody who was everything i wish i could be for her...
i trusted that girl with all of my hear and in the end she left me for something i could never be even though in my heart i know i should be a boy...i could never be that to her.
She would have never supported me if i chose to change... some days i doubted her love for me and to this day i do not know if the words of love she spoke were true.
She was my world for years and she left and moved on in two weeks. In the end intimacy was rare and i swear she thought i was gross to look at...i dont think i ever gave her the satisfaction she wanted...it still kills me knowing i would have loved her forever... she was the one i wanted to spend my life with. My future with her was mapped out... until she left me for something i could never be...my worst dream come true...
the love of my life left me for the one thing i could never be....
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